Here follow selected excerpts from the Cullman City Schools 5-yr. capital plan with my snide remarks (printed in The Cullman Times Aug 16):

Citywide: Renovate bathrooms at Cullman High, Cullman Middle and West Elementary. [Yes, they really, really need it, and have for several years.]

Cullman High: Renovate science building. [And we thougth the removal of the asbestos floor tiles was an improvment!]

Cullman Middle: Replace flooring in office area and main building. [What? No more 30 years worth of varnish fire hazard floor!?! Not cool!]

Citywide: Replace outdated, broken furniture and equipment. [Could blow a couple million dollars on this one . . .]

Cullman High: Career center for drafting, business education, carpentry. [Didn't I hear this proposal when I was a freshman? Oh, that's right, I did! Has it happened yet? No, of course not!]

Cullman High: Renovate auditorium. [About time. Just don't paint over the 30 years worth of drama kids signatures in the work room; it would be a tragic loss!]

Cullman High: Replace glass above classroom walls in A, B buildings and library. [Yeah, it's about time we got that suicide glass out of there!]

Cullman High: Replace outdated computers. [By "outdated" we mean "over two years old"; correct? Because there aren't any older than that . . .]

Citywide: Build fences, barriers around campuses for security. [Is this to keep students in or bad guys out? The world may never know . . .]

Cullman High: Practice gymnasium. [Can't we find a better use of funds? Oh, wait, that's right, athletics make the world go 'round!]

Cullman Middle: Install A/C in new gym. [Needed . . . badly.]

Cullman High: Remove asbestos flooring and replace with new VCT flooring. [Hmm . . . it's the little things . . .]

Cullman Middle: Replace intercom system at main office. [That would be helpful . . . maybe now we can actually understand what's being said . . .]

East Elementary: New gym. [I see no problem with the old one . . . but then, I've only been there about a dozen times.]

Cullman Middle: Extend fence on Round Building above band room. [WHY? That would stop so many people from walking on the roof! Oh, wait, we're not supposed to be up there . . . ok, not such a bad idea, then!]

Cullman High: Install smart boards, LCD projectors, LCD panels. [I have my doubts as to the ability of some of the teachers to use it, as they still haven't quite worked out how to post attendance.]

Cullman High: Install drop ceilings in A and B buildings. [What's wrong with the current ceilings? I personally liked having steel beams to stare at whilst ignoring the teacher . . . a lot more fun than counting acoustic tile!]